Tuesday, February 8, 2011

No More Guilt

One of my biggest flaws.  I feel guilty about everything.  It's time consuming for me and I'm quite sure annoying for others.  But I obsess over what others think of me and when I can't live up to (real or imagined) expectations of those I have deemed morally and socially superior, I feel guilty. 

About 2 weeks ago (or just last week, I honestly can't remember), I thought giving Split Pea some solids might help fill him up, make him less cranky and maybe, just maybe, help him sleep through the night.  Night one was just some oatmeal cereal, then I added some pears.  He's now had apples, pears, sweet potatoes, carrots, butternut squash and avocado.  And I didn't make one single bit of it (well, I cut up the avocado). 

I struggle not to feel guilty or less-worthy because I didn't make his food.  I made nearly all of the Monkey's food.  I made most of Small Fry's food.  And who knows if I'll make any of Split Pea's food.  I joke that I barely have time to pee in any given day, let alone make a bunch of baby food.  I am picky about what I buy for them, but I'm working hard to be okay that I purchased Split Pea's first foods instead of steaming, mashing, pureeing them.  Or even waiting until 6 months, then letting him figure it out and not spoon-feeding him. 

No one is making me feel badly, but the circles I spend time in focus on waiting until 6 months, baby-led weaning, etc.  About 3:30 am the other night, I suddenly realized that it was okay to do it MY way.  I'm a good mom and I've done this before.  I can make my own decision on when and how to feed my son. 

So the guilt is gone (for the feeding issue...we're working on other things too).  I'm not letting the food stocked on the third shelf of the pantry make me feel like a bad mom.  I stocked up on some fantastic baby food at Whole Foods, Split Pea ate the butternut squash from Sprout Baby Food last night and it was super good.  Everyone had a little taste and loved it. 

And guess what?  We're on night three of sleeping through the night (well, Split Pea is.  I'm still staying up way too late), and as a result, I've been able to pump and start building a freezer stash of milk so I can actually go out and away from the kiddos for a little while (i.e. ski for the day on our upcoming ski trip). 

Phew.  I feel better getting that out there.  Now I'm off to feed the family dinner...including something from a pouch or jar for little Split Pea :)